THIS IS A TEST, THIS IS ONLY A TEST......

Remember when you were a kid watching your favorite cartoon, and out of nowhere, the screen went gray (or was it black?), and a radar like arrow started moving round and round a little dial on the screen? A generic announcer's voice would very officially say: "This a test of the Emergency Broadcasting System. This is only a test. If this were a real emergency, you would be directed to......"

Well, these days, I am feeling like my life screen is saying those very words! My sweet husband will be returning to Haiti for a 10 day medical mission in just 4 days.....it's really no big deal. We've been before, I've been down with my 13 year old daughter.....yet I find myself sort of undone with the prospect of his leaving. "What if's" keep swirling through my mind and my heart. I am becoming increasingly needy of having time with him as his departure grows nearer.

Last night, I noticed some safety warnings on a Haiti ministry blog, reminding travellers that the political situation there has deteriorated a little since our last trip. Seems the economy is worse (is it possible to get worse when you're already at the bottom?), people are hungrier, and so the unrest has increased. After reading a while, and noticing my heartbeat increasing, I made myself click the the little red X at the top right of the page, turn off the computer and go to bed.

A few friends have mentioned that perhaps Tim shouldn't be going - but should stay here where it is safer. This kind of stayed with me, and worked its way into my heart, letting fear grow. Then my super sister in law, Susan, reminded me: "Linda, don't forget, we're in His hands. Stuff can happen anywhere, and in His hands, we can be safe anywhere. Our future is up to Him, no matter where we are."

Boy, I needed that reminder! Are we ever safer living outside of God's leading than living right in the center of where He calls us to be? Because I am a wimp at heart, I am quite tempted to believe that he would be safer here and therefore should cancel his plans. Yet after following my Father's call for 21 years, I KNOW this is not true. He has NEVER, NEVER let me down. Why would he start now? Stuff can happen to us anywhere.

When Tim and I went to Haiti in October, I fretted that if something should happen to us, our children back home would be left as orphans. I prayed and prayed that God would keep us safe, never thinking about asking Him to keep our children safe in our absence. After all, they were in the US, where we are always "safe". Well, on our flight home, our oldest two children were in a major car accident with my Mom. My mom is a great driver. She has never had a wreck, never even had a ticket! The accident wasn't her fault, but her car was totalled, just the same. Miraculously, all three of them escaped major injury. (Hannah's knee is STILL bruised, 5 months later, but that only serves as a reminder to us of God's ever watchful care.) Here in the "safe" US, back in 2004, Tim was hit by a car while riding his bicycle to work. He could so easily have been killed. He broke his back, tore his ACL and was basically beaten to a pulp. But he lived and is fine now! On February 22, while we were "safe and sound" at home, Samuel fell while trying to leap over a chair (?!), and broke both bones in his forearm completely through. (He gets his cast off Thursday! Yippee!) Here in the "safe" US, a friend of mine's precious and BRAVE child was recently run over by a truck. He has lived and will completely recover (thanks to God!). He will have some exciting stories to tell his grandchildren someday, but it has surely been no picnic! Talking about his accident one day, this sweet, trusting and courageous little boy said, "God would not be mean to you."

Lord, teach me again what this little boy knows so well. You would never, ever, be "mean" to us. You are always working out everything for our good. You never slumber nor sleep. If you are anything, you are a GOOD GOD, the King of the Universe. If we travel to the highest heavens or to the depths of the sea, (or to Haiti), You are there. You never leave us nor forsake us. Thank you, God.

Does this mean I somehow know that my husband, my rock, the guy I adore, will come home to me safe and sound on April 20? No, it does not. Tim is my rock - not to mention my best friend and so much more. But God, my ETERNAL ROCK, has it all under control. He has His plans. God will do what He wants to do with Tim's, and with all of our lives. I do know that whatever He does, IT WILL BE FOR OUR ETERNAL GOOD AND FOR HIS GLORY. So....., THIS IS A TEST OF GOD'S BROADCASTING SYSTEM.

"Testing, testing, 123! Linda, do you really believe all those things you say about Me? Do you trust me? Do you believe I am good and that I can not do wrong? That I can do all things? Do you know I love you? THIS IS A TEST, THIS IS ONLY A TEST.....